03/03: That's Me In The Corner
I admit it.
I'm failing to provide my daughter with a suitable religious education.
In my defense, I'm only half of the problem. The other half of the problem is five years old, and smart. A little bit too smart sometimes. Of course, looking back the early warning signs were there. Shortly before her third birthday Jess went to a try-out session at a local playgroup. As it was nearing Christmas they fashioned crib scenes out of empty biscuit boxes and bits of straw and twigs and the insides of loo rolls. There was even a Jelly Baby to portray the Holy Child. And what, dear reader, did Smart Little Jessica learn from this? "Mummy, Baby Jesus is green".
Then there was the Easter when, after a particularly graphic re-enactment of the death and resurrection of Christ at church-led mums and toddlers group, she concluded that Jesus was a Jedi. Like Obi-Wan Kenobi, who also returned from the dead. There has been speculation since as to when and where he acquired his light sabre. Perhaps one of the Wise Men bought it, though Mary probably kept it safe for him until he was old enough to use it without accidentally chopping someone's head off.
I freely admit that I may be partly to blame for Jess's failure to grasp why people attend church. She was asked at school whether she went to church and replied that "Mummy only takes me to church when they're giving out food". I hastily explained that we had indeed been along to a special meal at the local church in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, when most of the neighbourhood was without power. "Yes but in England we only ever went when they gave out those oranges with the candles stuck in the top" was the accompanying comment.
Anyway, with Easter on the horizon, I thought that perhaps this would be a good opportunity to set the record straight. Now, Jess likes musicals, so what better than to download Jesus Christ Superstar onto the AppleTV. Because a film made in the 70s featuring men in strange hats, loads of hippies, a bus, tanks, jet fighters, a seriously blinged Herod, a market selling machine guns and enough disco outfits to keep John Travolta going for a year or so is DEFINITELY going to clarify everything. But never mind, it has catchy tunes.
So Jess turns to me part way through one of the desert scenes and says, with a look of wonder and amazement "Mummy, is that Tatooine?"
The film did make its mark - Jess was quite tearful at the end, and when I asked why she told me that she was very sad because Jesus didn't come back to life in time to get the bus home with his friends. Aww.
She's also been singing "Crucify Him" and "Jesus Must Die" loudly. In public. A lot. Always a good way to get yourself noticed in the Bible Belt. I think we can rule out a career in the diplomatic corps.
I'm failing to provide my daughter with a suitable religious education.
In my defense, I'm only half of the problem. The other half of the problem is five years old, and smart. A little bit too smart sometimes. Of course, looking back the early warning signs were there. Shortly before her third birthday Jess went to a try-out session at a local playgroup. As it was nearing Christmas they fashioned crib scenes out of empty biscuit boxes and bits of straw and twigs and the insides of loo rolls. There was even a Jelly Baby to portray the Holy Child. And what, dear reader, did Smart Little Jessica learn from this? "Mummy, Baby Jesus is green".
Then there was the Easter when, after a particularly graphic re-enactment of the death and resurrection of Christ at church-led mums and toddlers group, she concluded that Jesus was a Jedi. Like Obi-Wan Kenobi, who also returned from the dead. There has been speculation since as to when and where he acquired his light sabre. Perhaps one of the Wise Men bought it, though Mary probably kept it safe for him until he was old enough to use it without accidentally chopping someone's head off.
I freely admit that I may be partly to blame for Jess's failure to grasp why people attend church. She was asked at school whether she went to church and replied that "Mummy only takes me to church when they're giving out food". I hastily explained that we had indeed been along to a special meal at the local church in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, when most of the neighbourhood was without power. "Yes but in England we only ever went when they gave out those oranges with the candles stuck in the top" was the accompanying comment.
Anyway, with Easter on the horizon, I thought that perhaps this would be a good opportunity to set the record straight. Now, Jess likes musicals, so what better than to download Jesus Christ Superstar onto the AppleTV. Because a film made in the 70s featuring men in strange hats, loads of hippies, a bus, tanks, jet fighters, a seriously blinged Herod, a market selling machine guns and enough disco outfits to keep John Travolta going for a year or so is DEFINITELY going to clarify everything. But never mind, it has catchy tunes.
So Jess turns to me part way through one of the desert scenes and says, with a look of wonder and amazement "Mummy, is that Tatooine?"
The film did make its mark - Jess was quite tearful at the end, and when I asked why she told me that she was very sad because Jesus didn't come back to life in time to get the bus home with his friends. Aww.
She's also been singing "Crucify Him" and "Jesus Must Die" loudly. In public. A lot. Always a good way to get yourself noticed in the Bible Belt. I think we can rule out a career in the diplomatic corps.
Alison wrote: